Apprehension...

I have no idea why, but I have been putting off (really) starting this blog for a ridiculously long time. Embarrassingly long, in fact, for someone who calls herself a writer. Yes... a writer. I've come full circle, and this is why.

I walked out of my college a freshly graduated copywriter, with my idealistic heart pinned loosely to my sleeve. I was going to do good things, I was going to do important things... I was going to be a creative director before my 30th birthday. Man, life really does have other plans doesn't it? Plans that just don't align with yours at all. No, you're right, I made my own bed, I won't blame poor life for my choices. I got a job before I had graduated. I couldn't wait to start creating award winning work! Not that I cared about awards (insert scoff here). A year and a half (and a few bad choices) later and I was on a plane to foggy ol' London Town - home of many a disillusioned 'Saffa'. I had a bad taste in my mouth and I couldn't wait to get as far away as possible from home to spit it out. I was going to tend bar, watch bands and float about, vagabond style. And wow, did I watch some amazing bands. Not on a bartender's salary though. No, I sold my soul to a corporation and went to work (9 - 5 nogal) as a copywriter. Damn, I had been so adamant about getting away from all of that. Bottom line: it was what I was experienced and qualified in and that certainly helps in the UK. Enter, once again, that bitter taste...

To my surprise, I loved it. I am highly creative (if I do say so myself) and I get bored so very quickly, but I loved my corporate job. I met some truly fantastic, diverse people working in the Woolworths PLC marketing department, I did, I just decided (quite suddenly, as I am prone to do) that I wanted to backpack around Thailand before I went home to the warmth of South Africa. So, I gave in my notice and off I went a month later with a full paycheck, Pounds Sterling - can you say shopping spree? Pity about all the bureaucratic HR red tape, though, other wise I might actually have some proof of the 10 months that I worked there. Oh, did I mention that 8 months before I had managed to destroy my hard drive, the only place I had stored my whole portfolio? That combined with my awful previous experience of the advertising world equalled my overwhelming feeling of  "over it".

I came back and decided to work with kids, teach pre-primary, do something noble. I was determined to find some meaning, some purpose to my life and naively I thought that turning away from my passion, the thing I have truly loved doing since I was physically able, would do that. It didn't. I have been banging my head against the proverbial wall and all it's done is give my a bladdy headache.

I thought (copy)writing was pretentious. I thought I was better. My confession? Really, I was afraid. Afraid of starting again, of admitting to my bad choices. Sure, I love kids! I plan to have some, someday. But I want to do what I am good at, in my own capacity. I refuse to feel any more self-imposed shame for it. So I am painstakingly building up a portfolio again and making every effort to make better choices.

I am a writer. And this is my comeback.

Also... I promise that my subsequent blogs won't (all) be this serious.